You have changed me so much . I am no longer that skinny, shy, quiet, girl with low self esteem issues that I used to be . Well I’m still skinny but not so skinny that people would accuse me of having an eating disorder like people used to . I have good friends and attend the most amazing college ever (I might be a little biased, but whatever, its true) . This is the new and ever improving Tara . I’m finally the person I’ve always wanted to be . But, why do I kind of miss the way things used to be . I feel like the parts of myself that I always liked before are slowly fading away . So this is me getting those parts of me back . I’ll let you know how that all works out for me .

Other than that little issue, I love college . Well I did love college . First semester was the best time I ever had in my life . Minus my little emotional breakdown I had, but under the circumstances it was completely acceptable. I’m not an emotional person but when one of my friends is murdered it can bring out some emotions . And boy, did it ever .

First semester was so much fun . New place, new friends, new me . I met a boy that I liked and I thought liked me back, but I seeing how things are now, I was very wrong . I’m going to consider this boy to be the second thing I will ever regret in my life . I’m not going to give this boy a name because it isn’t important . All that’s important is that he hurt me . Which for guys, is a very hard thing to do . I usually don’t develop feelings that easily, but this guy had me from the night I met him . I didn’t care what people had to say about him I wanted him . All the warning signs were there but I ignored them . And I ended up basically being dropped from this guys life . We didn’t have any big falling out, I guess he just got bored, so he moved on . It didn’t help that we have all the same friends so I would always see him with a new girl every weekend . I had been played . And that’s not even the worst . He told all of his friends things, things about me . I can’t help but feel like I’m constantly being judged or ridiculed by them any time I go over there . The one good thing is that most of the guys that hang out there are good friends of mine and wouldn’t judge me for anything .

Second semester comes around and I realized that everything seems so different . It’s just not as fun . I’m not so sure what it is that’s missing . It just seems like this semester I’m realizing how deceiving people are here . No ones honest about anything . Especially relationships . Whatever happened to having a boyfriend or girlfriend and being happy with just that one boyfriend or girlfriend ? I get that people cheat, but this is just ridiculous . People say they love someone and then go and cheat on them with multiple people . It just doesn’t seem right . Or maybe it’s just me . Whatever that’s not really my problem . Until a guy forgets to mention to me that he has a girlfriend . I’m so glad I found out before I gave this guy a real chance . Sorry honey, I’m not going to be that girl .

I guess all I have to do is stick to my own morals . They got a little blurred but, I’m going back to following them . I don’t care if people call me a prude . I’d rather be called that than be known for sleeping around . I’m not really sure what my reputation is here . I would hope it’s a good one . But it seems more and more that people I was good friends with last semester don’t really like me anymore . I can’t help but wonder why .

Oh well, all I can do is improve and that’s what I intend to do . Starting now .